A
few years ago (discerning readers who know me well will be able to
figure out exactly how many years) I was working with a group of
grade one students. Their assignment was to create a dragon with its
unique traits, appearance, likes and dislikes and so on. I asked a
boy about his dragon, and the first thing he said was that it was 49
years old. “Forty-nine,” I said. “That's exactly how old I
am!” Instantly, the entire table dropped their pencils and stared
up at me. “You're forty-nine?” said the boy. “I only said
that because it was the biggest number I could think of!” I
laughed, said, “Oh, there's lots of bigger numbers than that.”
I
guess it shouldn't be a surprise how often really young children are
shocked by our tremendous years. They often can only count up to
twenty, and unless they have grandparents around celebrating
birthdays with them don't know anyone who admits to being much over
forty. Every one of their own precious years seems to have taken an
eon to achieve. So forty-nine, yes, that's huge.
It's
huge and it's also wonderful, and it bothers me that this idea gets
so little purchase in our culture. When I told the dragon story in
the staffroom later, the “biggest number I could think of “ line
elicited a gigantic intake of breath, as if I was telling the story
to illustrate how cruel children are or something. I think the
people listening to me were imagining how they themselves would have
felt if a child had said that to them. I'll be fair – for a long
time I would have had that kind of reaction to the question “why
are you so fat?” Innocently meant, but hard to feel neutral about
if it's something that you are ashamed of. I think that a lot of
people do feel ashamed of being old and assume that others feel the
same way. I don't know how many times I've heard a person make an
off the cuff remark to someone like, “oh, but you're older than I
am,” only to apologize afterward. Yes, I am older than you. And
you are younger than me. What's to apologize for? Age is a fact,
not a character flaw.
What
really surprises me is that the baby boomers have not embraced this
idea yet. Their massive demographic presence has had so many
positive effects on our culture. Think of the conversation around
creating retirement and nursing homes that are humane and person
(rather than institution) centred, the push for more investment in
good palliative care, the ubiquity of classic rock stations.... well,
maybe not so much that last one.
A
quick aside: I hear some of you out there asking yourselves, “Isn't
she a baby boomer too?” No, I am actually not. I am a member of
Generation X . The term was coined by Douglas Coupland
in his book of the same name, where he writes of the struggle that he
and his friends had coming of age only to find that all the grown-up
jobs were held firmly in the grasp of the baby boomers and that the
best they could manage with their B.A.s was a job temping in the
companies where they aspired to have real careers. Douglas Coupland
is one year younger than I am. Therefore I am, like him, a member
of Generation X. You slightly younger folks are free to assume the
term Gen. X for yourselves. Whew, I've been wanting to get that off
my chest for awhile! Back to my main point.
So
the generation that precedes mine has continually set a cultural tone
that serves their agenda. Yet our aging boomers are
among the worst at really embracing the philosophy that age is a good
thing. At best, they will say, getting older isn't the problem, it's
looking older, as they sign up for another yoga class, another
session with an esthetician. Apparently this is much worse in the
U.S. An excellent writer and memoirist whose work I love, Catherine
Gildiner tells of going back to that country for her 25th
high school reunion and having more than one tanned, tight-skinned
woman pull her aside and ask whether there was such a thing as hair
dye in Canada! Seems it didn't occur to them that anyone would
willingly allow their gray hair to show. Oh, our American
cousins...
One
teacher I work with, a baby boomer, explains why she started dying
her hair a few years ago. She says that if she shows her gray, her
students will see only that and dismiss her as being old and unworthy
of attention. Well, I think it's our job to dispel, not acquiesce
to, such ideas. Why not present yourself as a wise elder, holder and
dispenser of much knowledge? As I often tell my kids, right before
they can verbalize their shock at my newly revealed great age (52.
And a half) “Just think of how much I've learned in all these
years!” Our age should be considered a badge of honour, of
courage, an indication of experience lived and wisdom gained. So
come on, boomers, don't be scared. It's a number. It's yours. It's
okay.
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